Fashion Month kicked off on Wednesday, commencing four weeks of catwalk shows.

The industry’s key editors and journalists will descend on New York, London, Paris and Milan – and some have been known to repeat the same mantras every season, so we’ve listed 21 of the most common clichés you might hear around the new London Fashion Week venue next week.


Try not to judge too hard if you please – sometimes the traffic is really bad and often we have been up really late and really do need a coffee. Sorry.

  • “I’m so tired, my skin is terrible”
  • “Where’s my driver?”
  • “I’m tanned? Thank you. I’ve just come back from St Barths/Mustique/Mykonos/Almalfi”
  • “I am a model, blogger and DJ”
  • “How are you surviving London Fashion Week? [said with the level of sympathy usually bestowed on the bereft]”
  • “I can’t remember the last time I could feel my feet”
  • “Do you have any of that coconut water left?”
  • “Why do fashion labels make invites the size of A3 paper?”
  • “I am OBSESSED with [insert inadvisable, impossible-to-wear trend]”
  • “Do I look ok?”
  • “Our driver is stuck in that one way system around Soho. Urgh traffic.”
  • “I’ve only eaten pop chips and vitamin water today. Can we stop off at Itsu before Kane?”
  • “I miss Cara”
  • “That’s so chic” [the most overused fashion world in fashionese]
  • “They should provide earphones for babies on front row. This show is so loud.”
  • “Is that Sienna on the front row? Oh no, it’s Mollie from The Saturdays.”
  • “Oh I just threw it on.”
  • “Where did I get it? Oh I think a little vintage shop in rural China, sorry.”
  • “Can’t we get closer to the car? [car has reached the door]
  • “I’m SO gonna blog that”
  • “Maybe she’s born with it; maybe it’s an Instagram filter”

And finally… five Fashionese terms decoded:

  • Homage = blatant plagiarism of a look, era or designer
  • Transitional fashion = clothes to wear inbetween seasons
  • Tricky trend = utterly impossible to wear
  • Directional = something that looks completely bonkers now, but will eventually be diluted for high street purposes (aka the quickest pieces or trends to date)
  • An investment piece = a means of justifying an expensive item

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